The wonder years

Just the other day, I was having a conversation with my 5-yr-old cousin, Ankita, who had come down from Algeria for a holiday. Anki was telling me about her school and her friends. She added rather emphatically that she simply couldn't stand one particular girl from her class, Sarah. I was curious, and asked her why; she replied pretty matter-of-factly (in a way only children can) that Sarah was all 'black-black'. I must admit I was stupefied for a second. I couldn't figure out if that child Sarah was 'black' because she was dirty and wouldn't wash up, or because she was African. I soon decided in favour of the latter. So little Anki was already into discrimination, I thought and instantly, the little, pink, innocent bundle before me became someone that I needed to discipline. I was about to launch into a self-righteous lecture on the glory of brotherhood, of mankind, of peace and harmony that I suddenly realised that my audience was a 5-yr old kid whose attention was already diverted to what was playing on tv. She definitely didn't need a sermon; her 'growing up to the facts of life', I decided, should be allowed to take its own course. Anki was spared that day, but I got thinking.

My family isn't particularly racist; we have way too many things occupying our mind to teach our kids that 'black' was bad or that 'poor' equalled scum. And excepting the influence of her parents on her ideas and her behaviour, there was only one other thing that was capable of moulding her thoughts : the tv. I think she watches way too much television (which is not necessarily a bad thing, 'cos I watch way too much television myself), but what disturbs me is that she enjoys her Star TV and its double-dose of weepy 'saas-and-bahu' serials. She's glued to that damn channel 24*7 and it has a telling effect on her. She has lost all that charm that makes kids so adorable and has become a make-up maniac. She loves her rouge and her perfumes, is into 'jhatak' clothes, can eat only junk food and thinks she's adorable when she's batting her lashes, trying to impress some imaginary guy. Now, forgive me if I sound like an old school marm, but I think kids are cutest when they try to sing a nursery rhyme out of tune, and not when they sing 'Just chill' with an accompanying dance sequence. I realise how old-fashioned I have become when she's playing pretend with me, and expects me to be a 'doctor' trying to deliver her baby. She's clear about what she wants to do : wear loads of make-up, get married and keep delivering kids. Again, I apologise if I seem to be demonising my cute, lil cus, but hey, we all had our play-house days; but it was never this close to the truth. Back then, we managed to retain a semblance of the childish even if we were trying to act all grown-up..now, when Anki tries to play adult, she does it with such perfection, it scares me. And what is worse is that she seems to be living in that 'adult' mode most of the time, and slips into the 'look-i'm-a-child-ain't-i-cute' mode only when she knows we would rather she be like that. Often, when we try to 'imitate' her and become childish ourselves, talking in what we presume is acceptable baby language, she does act that way too, but there that sparkle in her eyes that tells me that she knows we are just making fools of ourselves and all that she is doing is humoring us.

I am sure I shouldn't be troubled by Anki; all this is just a part of the growing-up process and she'll soon make a good adult. But I cannot avoid comparisions with my own upbringing. I'd like to think of myself as a fairly-accomplished young person with no major character-flaws. I have a almost well-rounded personality, and it is easy to see why..I have been brought up by television myself. My mom and dad were both office-going people, and my Dad, especially, was being stationed all over India as a part of his work profile; so Dad was never around in my growning-up years. My elder brother was sent to stay with my grandma and give her company. So when I returned home from school, which would be around 2 pm, I would have the house all to myself till 9 or 10, when my mom returned. What did I do in those 8 hours? I saw television and read books and that's all that I did. I couldn't go down to play with the other kids b'cos then there was always that problem about locking up the doors and taking care of the keys. Cartoons were my favourite, and still are. I grew up on a staple diet of Yogi Bear, Squiddly-Diddly, Wallygator, Touche Turtle, Penelope Pitstop and so on and so forth..Oh yea, how could i forget the smurfs and Lil Lulu..If I wasn't watching cartoons, I'd be watching all the funny stuff on Star World..Different Strokes, Silver Spoons and stuff like that. The good thing about such uncontrolled access to the television was that I saw whatever I wanted to..and consequently, got exposed to more variety than I normally would have, say, if a parent was constantly monitoring which cartoon I saw. And variety always helps. Contrary to the popular notion that uncontrolled access means letting ur kid watch sex n violence all day long, giving freedom helps your child decide what she likes and what she doesn't, while acquainting her with all that exists. When I was a kid, ofcourse I would be curious about why one guy was bashing up the other, or why one guy was trying to cop a feel under some girl's shirt, but this curiosity was always overtaken by my curiosity about whether Penelope managed to escape the evil clutches of Dastardly and Muttly. Call me a bore, but I do not get turned on by sex and violence on tv (if I were a part of the sex, it would be a different matter altogether..:-)) Ditto for books. I was a voracious reader and would read anything that I happened to lay my hands on. Very often, I would end up reading essays by Aldous Huxley the moment I finished my Archie's Digest. The good thing about such erratic reading habits is that I imbibed a lot more than I would have if I was being told to read only Archies or Sherlock Holmes. To cut a very long story short, the freedom helped; I did what I wanted and figured out what works best for me, as compared to someone (mostly parents) trying to figure that out on my behalf. It's always better to show a child everything and then ask him to make a conscious choice, than to fill his/her mind with you own prejudices. And its a folly to think that children arent capable of making choices. If children were let free with an un-prejudiced mind, you'd be amazed at the number of times they chose the right over what is seemingly bad. No child loves violence or gets a kick out of seeing blood; every child does get curious about sex, but I have yet to see one that will consciously prefer porn over cartoons. However, this will happen only if kids weren't trained to to or be what is expected of them and are given that choice to do and be in accordance with who they are.

Its ok if my cousin watches her Star TV occasionally, but I'd also want her to watch other stuff : cartoons, the news, music. I'd like her to draw, paint and sing and while this seems to be a case of my expectations riding roughshod over what she'd want to do herself, it isn't. I really wouldn't want her to draw when she'd rather sing, but I'd like her to give drawing a shot anyway. Rather than stick to the straight and narrow, explore. You never know what you may find. As adults, we pass on our set of prejudices to our children; in this case, my aversion to bimbette-producing television shows. There are orthodox parents who rear their children within the confines of what they themselves have explored and found safe, and there are those who would like to rear their children within the confines of what they themselves have explored and found safe, but can't due to circumstances. It's often the latter set of parents who succeed in putting forth responsible adults like your's truly.